A New Addition

After Phoenix was born I decided there was no way that I was going to be pregnant again and have a second child. Her pregnancy was really hard on me physically and mentally. I also suffered severely with postpartum depression.

Fast-Forward from her birth about three years, and our good friends, Sandy and Jessie had a beautiful baby boy. As soon as I could I was holding and cuddling him, and I even got to babysit him. That is when I got to thinking, this isn't so bad. I could do a toddler and a baby. At that point it was just a thought, but a dangerous one. 

July 3rd, 2015 I decided I was ready. I had thought out a plan. If we were to get pregnant in mid-July the baby would be born in Mid-April. How perfect would it be!?! I would have six weeks of maternity leave, and then all summer with the baby and Phoenix before returning to school. That day I stopped taking my birth control and told Jack I was ready - he had been ready and wanting another baby for a while. 

I knew the odds of getting pregnant the first month off of birth control was going to be slim, but I am one of the lucky women who ovulates with each cycle and has very clear signs of ovulation. On August 1st I took a pregnancy test, and it came back positive! Jack and I were so happy, and a little shocked. Phoenix was thrilled, and now believes that she, too, has a baby growing in her belly.

Thankfully, the first trimester passed without morning sickness, and baby has always had a very strong heart rate between 150-155 bpm. We knew right away that we wanted to find out the gender of the baby. From the beginning I wanted a girl, and Jack went back and forth between wanting another girl and wanting a boy. 

While I put almost no faith in wives' tales (50% accuracy isn't enough for me!), I still kept track thinking it would be fun to know. Here is the summary of our wives' tales: 

Craves Sweets: Girl

No Morning Sickness: Boy

Carries High: Girl

Dry Hands and Face: Boy

Heart Rate Over 150: Girl

Baby Very Active: Boy

Skin Blemishes: Girl

Baby Dreams: Boy

Overall Same Pregnancy Symptoms as Phoenix: Girl

Ring Test: Boy

We are now almost 20 weeks into the pregnancy and we went this past weekend to have our anatomy scan. I feel sorry for the poor technician! She tried so hard to get the measurements of the baby, but it took longer than normal because this baby never stops moving! Thankfully, we were able to get a couple videos of the baby since the technician had to take videos to go frame by frame to do arm and leg measurements

Eventually the technician got all the shots she needed, except the kidney shots. She was even able to do a 3D rendering of the baby for us. 

Sweet face!

Profile Shot

Left Leg and Foot

Once the technician was done the doctor came in and reviewed the measurements and told us everything looked really boring, which is the best news a parent can get during an anatomy ultrasound. The doctor was then lucky enough to get a shot of the kidneys and he also captured the #1 pose the baby briefly gave. 

"I am #1!"

So, the big question, what is the gender? Jack, Phoenix and I made a video that shows some "magic" (acid/base indicator science) happening to reveal the gender of the baby. 

If you are interested in learning how and why this works there are some great videos on YouTube, just search for "Red Cabbage pH Indicator". 

Jack - A Hero

This week Bayada is celebrating Jack and his work.

 This past year Jack was nominated for a “Hero” award at work. He works as a habilitation technician with Bayada in Hilo. “Hab techs” work with disabled clients with wide spectrum of needs. For the past several years Jack has worked with the same adult client, we will call him “J”.  J is diagnosed on the more severe side of the autistic spectrum. He often gets stuck on a number or letter, he needs to have a very scheduled life, and he gets upset when there are any variations in his routine. Jack has been working with J to increase his life skills, social skills, and to work on his health and safety. For example, realizing that he needs to look up before he crosses the street, or not running through a crowded store with a shopping cart. Over the past three years J has become part of our family, and it certainly didn’t take long for me to see that Jack is a hero for being able to do this job.

Taking J and Phoenix to see the newest Lava Flow in Pahoa

Being a Hab Tech is not for the faint of heart, the weak willed, or the short tempered. The best Hab Techs are firm, consistent, and absurdly patient.   I don’t generally label myself as weak-willed or short tempered. After all, I am a teacher, I have had years of experience having to exercise patience with classrooms full of very demanding “clients”. However, spending the day with Jack and J, I find myself needing to walk away sometimes because I cannot handle listening to the same seven notes played on the piano again, for the 170^th time today. Or because I cannot handle the hovering of the curious mind who wants to see just exactly what is going into that pot of cookies.

After going to see a parade in Volcano.

These things, however, are just the day to day things, what about for big things that he does at work that he isn’t required to do? Jack was nominated for the Bayada Hero Award because of what he did for his client that was above and beyond what is expected. Instead of tell you myself, I would like to share a letter written by our good friend, who previously worked with J.

Aloha kakou,

I have a story I would like to share with you.

My name is Jessie Wenner and I worked as a personal assistant in both full and part time positions between the years of 2007 and 2009 with a client, J.J, who is profoundly autistic.  

During that time, his collaborative care team realized he was in real need of dental care.  A plan was developed which necessitated several visits to local dentists and consultations with his behavioral therapist, his attendants, and his family; in the end, J was not able to secure local dental care due to his extreme anxiety, which in his case could be a very difficult, emotionally and physically draining experience. 

J is a special person.  He has a wicked sense of humor and a deep sense of loyalty to those he loves; he is clever with gadgets and fond of sweets, and his circle of support has not wavered.  When I left employment as a PA to return to school, I was thrilled to discover on visits home that J’s latest PA, Jack Benavides, continued and even elevated the level of care J receives.  The struggles with his dental care are only one example.

When I left, the plan to find an oral care specialist to work with J was in place; all agreed he required anesthesia in order to safely enable the highest level of care.  Anything less resulted in emotional escalations that frankly frightened those unfamiliar with self-soothing techniques used by many people with profound autistic characteristics, and needless to say, did nothing to benefit J.  Local options were exhausted, one by one.

J is sensitive to fluorescent and bright lighting, sudden sounds and unfamiliar routines.  It is a true testament to his faith in Jack that he made it all the way onto a noisy plane, the bustling island of Oahu, and through his dental visit—finally.  It is an event that took over five years to take place.  Only a very special person who would be able to make this happen—and in this case, it took two: J himself, and Jack.

I hope this testimony serves to enlighten those unfamiliar with J’s story, and does something to show the amount of effort and cumulative will it took to make something very important happen in his life.  Shumoo-Ah Jack Sandford-Benavides put forth a heroic effort on behalf of a very special friend, and as a result, I would love to see a light shown on his behalf as well.

Much mahalos,

Jessie Wenner, OTR/L, MOT

Jack's article in the paper about being a Hero.

My husband is amazing. I am so very grateful for his example to me and to our daughter. I am so very grateful that Phoenix has an opportunity to grow up with close interactions with people with needs that are different than hers. She loves J., she asks about him, and in many ways she interacts with him like she would with a brother. I appreciate growing up with an autistic brother, and I think that Jack is amazing for doing his job and also supplying Phoenix with the opportunity to have an autistic “brother” as well.

I am also deeply grateful for a company that takes the time to recognize their employees that go above and beyond what is expected of them. That's My Jack, My Hero.

Company dinner at Ponds for Jack

A Getaway Weekend

Happy 35th Birthday Jack!

Each year we plan two get away weekends, one for Jack's birthday and one for our anniversary. Normally we plan our trips to stay at the Keauhou Sheraton resort in Kona, but this year we decided to try something different. This year we went to stay at the Hilton in Waikaloa. Today’s post is going to be all about that vacation. Mostly in picture form. 

Watching a little Peppa Pig on the drive to Waikaloa.

She decided to hide from the sun, and take a nap, lucky Mommy and Daddy!

Arrival 

When we finally arrived in Waikaloa we were greeted by blue skies, but terribly windy conditions. The trees were shaking and dancing in the high winds. Even with all the wind, it is still a beautiful view.

Waiting to Check-In

Our Room

From the balcony of our room

A picture with Daddy!

 Our room was beautiful!  It came with a king-sized bed and a pull out couch, but who wants to see the inside of the room when you can see the beautiful view? We were in the room for less than five minutes when Phoenix started asking to go swimming. Unfortunately, we don't have any pictures of her in the pool. It was so windy that the second she got in Jack left to go find the towels to get her out again. She lasted about ten minutes in the pool, but she was so happy the entire time.

 My Stud

Jack got some new clothes for his birthday. I think he looks spectacular. He is down a size in his T-shirt, and he is down 6 inches in his waist. Great job, Jack!

Nice Duds, Daddy!

Transportation

The Hilton Waikaloa is so large that they offer two modes of transportation from the lobby to your room. The first is the tram. Phoenix was so excited to ride the train! She always sat on the window seat, and loved watching outside as we zoomed around the grounds. One thing she kept asking for the entire time was for her seat belt. She was so upset she couldn't be safe in her seat. Thankfully the tram runs at less than 5 mph.

Loving the view from the tram.

Relaxing on the tram.

The second mode of transportation is the boat! 

Queen of the boat!

Unfortunately the boat runs even more slowly than the tram, meaning that it arrives every 25 minutes. Also, it only runs from 2 pm in the afternoon until 10 pm at night. We were lucky enough on our last day at the hotel that the boat arrived just as we were getting ready to go to our room!

The Look-Outs

"I love this boat!"

 Dinner at the King's Shops  

We decided to venture off the resort for dinner. Even though it was after the New Year, the Christmas lights in Waikaloa were still up. We were able to get lots of cool pictures with the lights. 

We decided for dinner we would visit the King's shops and stop at Macaroni Grill for some "num-nums" as Phoenix would say.

Can you tell that he loves his dinner?

My dinner was delicious! Chicken Under a Brick!

Phoenix filled up on bread, so she enjoyed her toys during dinner.

Checking out the train and lights after dinner.

They have such beautiful fish! Phoenix wanted to hang out all night.

 Friends Visit

So happy her friend, Kara came to play.

Jeffery, Amanda, and Kara Moss

We consider ourselves so fortunate to have great friends whose family happens to mirror ours. Two working parents (one in each named Amanda) and a 2-year-old daughter in each family! We were so happy to hear that they were going to come out and visit us at the resort on Saturday.

"Where is the train, Mommy?"

Thankfully the weather was so much better on Saturday. The winds had died down, and the temperatures improved to the seventies. For Phoenix that means prime pool time! We found a pool with a slide for her and we had to pry her away from the slide because Jack was worried that she was going to turn blue. Then Jack found the grown-up slide, and he and Jeffery had a great time with that one.

Time for Cake!

We stopped at the local grocery store to pick up a cake before we went out to the resort. That was an interesting adventure! The cake "artist" barely got the word "Birthday" onto the cake! When Jack picked it out it didn't have any writing on it. He gaveit to the bakery worker and she came back with a sealed carton. He didn't think to open it until we got to our room. It was then that we discovered that the "a" and "y" were falling off the edge of the cake! We also discovered that the cupcakes around the outside were very dry. Thankfully, the center cake was moist and tasty, and I am told the frosting was great.

Phoenix enjoyed the frosting so much more than the cake. I don't think she ate more than a nibble of the cake, but she certainly made a dent in the frosting!

Even so, next time I will probably make and bring our own cake.

 This little girl makes us so happy. Normally we would leave her with a sitter for a "getaway" weekend, but we are both so glad she came with us this time.

Other Attractions 

Rubbing Buddah's belly for luck.

Watching the dolphins play for their snack.

Visiting the waterfalls. 

There are so many things to do at the Hilton. Even though most people would sleep in on their birthday, Jack got up early on Saturday and used the workout facilities. When he returned he sent me to have some "alone" time in the resort gym, too! He is such a wonderful husband! He knows that I am happiest when I get time by myself and even happier if that time includes a nice run. 

Outside of the workout rooms, we visited lots of other attractions at the Hilton. Phoenix was fascinated with all of the artwork around the hotel, including the Buddah statue. We also got to visit the flamingos, the dolphins, and the waterfalls. We wanted to see lots of things while we were there, so we ended up spending a little time at each of the places we went to maximize our viewing experience!

Getting Ready to Head Home

Check-out for our room was at noon, but we stayed much later enjoying all the pleasures of the hotel. We are super grateful that we were given a complimentary room go use to clean up and bathe the girls after their pool time. While we were here, Jack was running to the car. Phoenix noticed that Jack was gone and picked up the phone to call him.

Here is what she said: "Hello, Daddy? What chu doing, Daddy? I can't find you, Daddy. Okay, Daddy, Bye, Daddy."

Headed Home

Going up Saddle Road

The drive home was beautiful! The weekend storms brought some lovely snow to the mountain. I say it is lovely, because it looks so pretty from our vantage point. I, however, have no interest in getting any closer to the snow. Growing up in Minnesota means that I have plenty of experience with that cold, wet, white stuff! We do plan to take Phoenix up to see the snow when she gets older. It is quite convenient that we can drive to the snow and then drive to the beach that afternoon! 

Snow on the mountain

Wonderful weekend

In all our weekend was a success. We had a wonderful time doing lots of new fun things. We know that we will go back again, soon. 

Family Photo before we go!

Why I love Peppa Pig

Retelling stories to calm my toddler

Phoenix loves Peppa Pig. Mommy loves Peppa Pig. We all love Peppa Pig.

Peppa Pig, a gift from Auntie Lisa

Several months ago if you asked what the number on viewed video on a tablet for Phoenix was there would have been no hesitation in my answer, it would have been Dora and Diego. She was in love with them. However, then she was introduced to Peppa Pig. I love Peppa Pig. For one, Peppa Pig doesn’t spend the entire episode yelling instead of talking. The second reason is that Peppa Pig is a sassy little pig, and entertaining for me as well as Phoenix. Recently I have started using Phoenix’s love for Peppa in my favor, especially her favorite episode: “Thunderstorm”.

Case in point: Last night.

Winters in Hawaii are much more mild than winters is most of the other 50 states, especially compared to, let’s say, Alaska. However, our house gets down to a cool 55 at night, and without central heating, that is cold. In particular, it is cold for Phoenix. During the warmer summer nights when she wakes up cold at night she covers herself up and goes back to sleep. The problem with the winter is that we use much heavier blankets and it is harder for her to cover herself back up. Last night she had a break down because she couldn’t get the blankets back onto herself and her arms and legs were too cold for her to sleep.

This left me with a cold, tired, mostly asleep 2-year-old. Not a great combo. She doesn’t do well when woken up from her naps, so waking her in the middle of the night is torture. By the time I got her untangled and changed her crying had gotten to a point that I would consider her distraught and inconsolable. No amount of sooth speaking or cuddling calmed her, and so I launched into a whispered story telling of Peppa Pig and the Thunderstorm.

Me: “One day Peppa Pig and her little brother George went to the garden to have a picnic. After a little while Mommy Pig called them to the house because it was going to rain. When Peppa got to the house Mommy asked if they remembered their toys. Oh, no! Who did Peppa forget?” Heavy crying instantly stops, and becomes whimpers and sniffles.

Phoenix (In the tiniest of whispers): “Teddy”

Me: “That’s right, Peppa forgot Teddy in the garden. Who will go get Teddy?”

Phoenix (Still barely a whisper, but with no tears): “Daddy Pig get Teddy.”

Me: “That’s right, Daddy Pig went to get Teddy. What happened when Daddy Pig got Teddy?”

Phoenix (A little louder): “Daddy Pig all wet!”

Me: “That’s right, Daddy Pig got all wet because it started raining. When he got inside what did 

Mommy and Peppa do?”

Phoenix: “Use towels, dry them off.”

And so it continued till we got to the end of the story:

Me: “And then the rain stopped and what did Peppa do?”

Phoenix (in her regular voice): “Jump in muddy puddles!”

What came next was most important to me. She was able to tell me why she had been so upset. In a very loud voice she said “It’s dark!” To which I responded: “Yes, it is dark, because it is still sleeping time.” She readily accepted this answer and rolled over and went to back sleep.

Sleeping in Mommy's bed is the best.

The storytelling took less than five minutes, and for Phoenix, it is the best method of calming her down. Other methods I have used sometimes take more than twenty minutes! Now it is a little after 9 a.m., and she is finally waking up. Today we will be talking about Peppa Pig and The Museum. 

Two Years Already? Time to Reminisce. 

Two years ago today it was a Sunday, and I was probably sitting at home planning lessons for the upcoming week.  I was uncomfortable, but excited about what was coming. I wasn't sure of the date then, but I knew within 2 months I would have my baby girl in my arms. Of course I was terrified and all the while pretending to be in control when nothing really was under my control. 

Many of you already know the story. A month and a half before my due date I was put on bed rest due to early contractions. After 2 weeks of bed rest I was given permission by my doctor to start resuming life, but slowly. I took that to mean driving 2 1/2 hours away from my home to go on a Costco run. We joke around and say that she wanted to see Costco, too. I was driving, and Jack was sleeping when my water broke. We traded spots and drove like crazy to reach the hospital. She was born via c-section at 4:46 pm, and after 4 days in the hospital we finally got to go home. 

That first year was a blur. They always are, right? We spent that year fighting her jaundice, dealing with allergy induced ear infections, breastfeeding, and me going back to work. I can honestly say, looking back, that it was best for me to go back to work. I needed it then as much as I do now. The time away from her allows me the interaction with adults and older students that I need, and helps me to be a better mother. As she gets older and better at communicating it is harder to be away from her, but I know now, like I did then, that my job is an important part of making me the best mother for her. 

Her first birthday was a blast. She hadn't met all of the milestones that some babies reach by one year. She wasn't walking on her own yet, but she managed to scoot pretty quickly. The thing about Phoenix is that once she learns something she dominates it. Her current favorite activities include playing with my tablet, playing with her bears, being outside, and pushing all the buttons in the car. She is still considered "behind" in her language since she doesn't have a high enough word count, and she is still very small for her age weighing only 20 pounds. However, I have decided not to let either of those bother me. She has always been small for her age. She didn't graduate from the 3 month clothes size until she was 6 months old, and she is still wearing 12 month clothes. I look at this as a blessing, her clothes last a really, really long time. Her language issues have been harder for me to come to terms with. I was able to accept it when I accepted that she is her own person and will progress at her own rate. I already know that trying to force her to do something she doesn't want to do will cause great resistance. I also take comfort in the fact that she uses sign language, and her word count is increasing daily. This morning she learned how to say "Yoo Hoo" and repeated it for most of the morning. 

I guess in many ways I am still in the same place as I was 2 years ago. I am excited about what is coming, I am often terrified and occasionally feel as if I am only pretending to be in control. Yet, I am able to look back on the last 2 years and realize that we are not the same people as we were then. We already know how to deal with temper tantrums, and picky eating, and health issues. We have established a productive Time-Out system. We have a working communication system, and plans to improve in the coming year.My confidence as a mother has grown, we have learned how to better balance our lives, and I have an absolute knowledge that my little family will handle whatever comes. 

In a month I will be able to say without fear "I have a two year old, and I am ready for year three." 

New Additions - Odds not Evens

Some people who know me might comment on the fact that I like to have things a “certain way”. My desk may be a mess, but under it all, I love to organize, and I am constantly sorting or resorting. I am also constantly looking for patterns in anything I see. For example, today’s date is 4/19/13, is one of my favorites for this month. Why, because four taken from nineteen is thirteen.

Cami and Baby Monster

This obsession with numbers, sorting, and organizing has led to a Noah’s ark sort of situation at our house. We have a male and a female dog. We have a male and a female cat. We had a male and a female sheep, and we even had a male and a female fish. Where things start to get a little skewed is the two female chickens. I accept this aberration because male chickens don’t lay enough eggs to compensate for their ridiculously annoying vocal performances. I have even expanded our count to include our neighbor who is close enough to be family. She added two cats, and with her, there are a total of four people on the property. I love pairs, and even numbers! They make me so happy.

Weird and Baby Q-Tip (Kitten)

So what is the catch?  The time finally came that the numbers at our house are once again unbalanced. Our white Tabby-Siamese mix, nicknamed “Kitten” gave birth on April 2^nd to three healthy baby kittens.  I am thrilled that two of the baby kittens are nearly identical, and somewhat annoyed that the third has no match. It reminds me of putting four socks into the wash and only getting three back. Even numbers are so much better! I am only consoled in the fact that there were not 6, 8, or 10 kittens.

Kitten and her three little newborn kittens

In all reality I suppose I should also find solace in the fact that these kittens are not a burden to us as Kitten is doing such a good job in caring for them. She is diligent about feeding them and cleaning up after them. Thankfully, she is still a very loving cat to her humans. She is showing the same affection and patience she had before the birth of the triplets, even for Phoenix. Further, while she fiercely guards the kittens from the danger of her brother, Weird, when they are both in the house she showers him in affection.

Such a good Mamma

Phoenix talking to the last kitten in the box.

This addition has been a great pleasure for Phoenix as well. She was already chasing the cats around the house, shrieking at them.  She, of course, believes that the kittens have arrived as an even better form of entertainment for her. Phoenix loves the kittens, and that is an understatement. She will sit by the back door and peer out at the kittens in their box, banging on the door. Whenever we open the door to feed the cats she tries to sneak out onto the porch. When we bring the box in she sits by the box doing an “up and down” dance in front of the kittens. Talking to them, and occasionally petting them.  Meanwhile Kitten is walking around the outside rubbing against Phoenix.

So, I suppose that while I am annoyed that our critters are no longer evenly paired, I am grateful that they are a positive addition in every other way. I am also grateful that when they are weaned, in about 3 more weeks, our house will once again be back to evens in the critter world.

Phoenix, Kitten, and the Kittens

More of the Kittens